We had only been home about 5 weeks. My wounds hadn’t even finished healing. But we made the most of that Thanksgiving.

I was so fragile then, my immune system so suppressed so as to not reject my new heart. My mental health doing an obstacle course, tears usually just a moments notice away.

We drove down the road to the recycling center at the local high school. It was a mundane chore that felt like an adventure at the time. It was safe, no one else was there. we put our boxes in the bins, I walked a few laps around the parking lot and we went home. Actually, we probably stopped for a fountain Diet Coke.

But on the way there, tears had fallen. I grieved for my donors family. Their first major holiday without their loved one. One less place setting, one more serving still available of their favorite side dish that hadn’t been eaten. An empty spot in the photo where they once stood.

And I grieved for us, the missing people at our table, the life we now live, the crazy life that we just call everyday. There was so much gratitude that first year. I wondered this year, has mine slipped away? Having chronic illnesses to manage isn’t for the faint of heart, it’s ridiculously hard. I paused this week, in my frustrations, had I lost my sense of gratitude? It was probably 9 days of a migraine that made me question it all, but it took a few days for me to find my true answer.

I want to thrive and live not just survive. I’m 100% grateful for my donor and each Thanksgiving week since, I find my heart nestles into this safe place of happy with just being here. And then, I hope for even better health and that’s okay too. You can grieve and be grateful at the same time.

I know holidays aren’t happy for everyone. Families? Hello, #drama. But what if we simplified things this year. It changes everything.

If you told me in 2019, that the following year I’d be sitting at the table, with a new heart or that 3 years later, that heart is happy in its new home, I’d have called you a liar. Sometimes the trials of our life, prevent us from seeing the good, the gratitude amongst the grief. I know far too many people approaching this holiday with a year that wasn’t easy and trials that continue. We all have something. I hope this Thanksgiving, a little voice of Hope whispers to you, to keep going. Because, in the end Hope Wins.

Now…I’m case you need them..here’s some sure fire ways to survive a family thanksgiving.

1. The bathroom is your friend. Need a break? Gotta go! Need to scream silently? Grab that towel your mom hangs but no one uses, put to mouth and scream. take as long as you need and spray some febreeze for good measure when you leave 😉

2. Oh, I see they have the fancy napkins out. I encourage you to grab a paper towel, stick it in your pocket and head to the table. That paper towel is your saving grace. Funky stuffing? Into your paper towel. Burnt fried turkey? Into your paper towel

3. Practice your ABCs. This is actually an anxiety tool, but if Aunt sally wont stop going on and on and you might lose it at the table. Begin going through the ABCs. First round, name a person you know whose name starts with each letter of the alphabet? Then foods? Then cars? Sports players? By the time you toon back into reality, Aunt Sally is hopefully done.

4. Remember what is good for you, may not be good for everyone. Oh, everyone’s gathering at 1, eating at 4. Nope, girl, you go at 3/3:30. Your mental and physical health is just as important. Too many hours with the family and woah!

5. See #1. You’ve had enough? Lost your last ounce of patience? All that rich food is upsetting your stomach? Best get home to your house.

Have a fun and blessed Thanksgiving! Forever grateful for each of you.