Lester Holt signs off each of his broadcasts since the pandemic started with the words, “take care of yourselves and each other” to which I always respond to the TV, “you got it, Lester”. I thought it was the perfect way to share some ways we can help each other through this time.

The isolation that we have all experienced due to the pandemic is not something new to us girls. We have experienced it in different times, intensities and for different durations of time since all of my heart issues started in 2015. Through some trial and error, we’ve learned to manage it to the best of our abilities with strength, resilience and faith that has gotten us through it. But that does not mean it has not come with hurt, heartbreak, frustration, anger and even grief.

We have been hurt as we watched friends and family slip away as they stopped inviting us. We’ve been heartbroken to experience that those who we thought were “our people” not be our people, who spread gossip, lies and just didn’t show up. We’ve been frustrated when we asked for help or backup for Mom after I’ve had yet another procedure, for people to just say no because they had ‘better’ things planned. We have been angry when people forgot that it is a privilege, not a right to accompany us through this and said hurtful things when we didn’t share pieces of the story with everyone. Lastly, we have grieved as we watched our Church community who was such a source of strength for us in another time in our lives, become a place of hurt. We are all grieving in some way what “should have been” throughout this pandemic.

So how do you help us walk through this continued health challenges or support us through this pandemic? Below, I share ways that we’ve learned have helped us feel supported, as well as some ways we’ve learned to cope.

1. First and foremost, prayer.
2. Let us know you are thinking of us. Send us funny cards. Send us a text message. Send a gift card. If you are forgetful, set a reminder on your phone or add it to your google calendar. It’s how I remember prayer intentions or to remember to reach out to people who I am thinking about. Set up a google calendar and make one of them, “prayer” and set reminders for specific intentions.
3. Re: #2. Remember that while we would love to respond to every text and acknowledge every card, our energy has to be reserved for the big stuff (appts, health issues, etc). It’s not that we don’t love you or appreciate it, we simply don’t have the bandwidth some days.
4. Please be mindful that we are our own people. While we are a pretty awesome duo, we are each our own person. Check in on my rockstar Mom separate from checking in on me. Ask her how she’s doing, not just how I’m doing.
5. Re: #4. Be courteous of what time you reach out to us, I set my phone to go on do not disturb from 10pm-11am. Each day we deal with a variety of health items, so the reality is that by 8 p.m. we are starting to settle into our evening routine and by 10pm, its basically quiet time around here. Getting appropriate rest is so important for my health and keep in mind that sometimes we keep weird hours. When I was getting sick, Mom would be scrambling egg whites at midnight because thats when the nausea meds had kicked in, so we’d sleep in in the morning. Don’t be afraid to text/call us, but as a general rule of thumb, if you would’t call or text your grandparents at that hour (unless it was an emergency), put down the phone.
6. Take an interest and connect with us in what we share. My illness is just a part of who I am/we are. Yes, its a large piece, but just a piece. My girl Claire is on a mission to pick me out some succulents, because its something we realized we both liked and a small way she could love and support me. I think if we truly took the time to pay attention to what people mention around us, we’d be able to connect with them in small/big ways. Start a note in your phone and add to it. Sherry, loves to read and I saw that new book at costco, I’ll leave it on her porch. Kristin loves anything polka dots and I saw that cute headband. Little thinks like that make us feel seen. Nothing turns a rough week or a crappy day around like when people surprise you with a porch drop off of our favorite things. Unless Mom is on a work call or I’m on a telemedicine appointment, we might even be able to do a wave or a shout from the window. We are all starving for connection right now, so find little ways to connect with those around you.
7. Invite us to join you during this pandemic. Covid isn’t going anywhere. With that in mind, my medical team has asked to remain isolated, even more so now that some restrictions have been lifted. We are not ‘cleared’ to even do socially distant gatherings, we can’t sit 6 feet away from you with a mask on and join you for coffee. But with a little planning and forethought, we’d sure love to share dinner or a coffee with you. What if we each grabbed our dinner one night and joined each other on zoom? Could we met via zoom for a coffee date? If you’d invite us out to dinner, invite us to ‘join you for dinner’.
8. Change your language. Our friend Amy, very early on in the pandemic, texted us “we are going to harris teeter, what can I pick up for you?” and she consistently has done it. Others had offered, ‘let us know if you need anything’, but the way Amy phrased it, empowered us and took the burden off of us to say “we need something”. Be honest: how willing are you to ask others for things? Amy’s always faithful text and garage drop off has made us feel seen, feel loved and feel wanted. We wont ask you to grab a cart load, but if you shop at giant and can grab our favorite turkey bacon or you shop at harris teeter and can grab our favorite yogurt, we’d love for the next time you go, to text us and say “hey, Im hitting Giant, what can I grab you?”. Next time you make your grocery list, at the bottom, one person you can reach out to offer to grab something for. Maybe its us, maybe its your single/widowed neighbor, maybe its your elderly friend or maybe it’s someone with a chronic health condition. You’ll know who that person in your life who needs a little help/extra love this week. We will gladly pay for any/all groceries picked up.
9. Show up. Everyone shows up at the beginning of a crisis, but who is there two months out, 3 months out, 6 months, 1 year, 5 years later.  The number is small. We don’t mean physically show up (because we won’t let you in), but show up.
10. In the words of my mother today, “Don’t be stupid”. You screwed up and stopped reaching out? Okay, name it, claim it and apologize.  You invited our whole family or group of friends and didn’t invite us, because you ‘figured we’d say no’, say you are sorry and don’t do it again. We know we’ve failed at times. Forgot to send that gift card to a family member going through cancer treatments when we intended to? Yep, we did that. So when we remembered we made it a non-negotiable on the to-do list for this week. It was important that they feel seen.
11. Don’t make decisions for us. Yes, we can’t go out right now, but invite us anyways. You are planning a trip, day trip, dinner, bible study, coffee meetup, invite us anyways. Don’t stop inviting us just because 9 times out of the 10 we said no or had to cancel last minute. That 10th time we might have said yes, if someone would have asked. And let me just add a little aside here. Are you a couple that was friends and did things with both my parents? When’s the last time you asked my mom to join you? It’s more awkward and hurtful to not be invited at all than to be ‘the third wheel’. It if it is awkward, then the worst you lived through was an awkward dinner while the other person had someone to converse with at dinner. Remember the single/widowed people in your life. Don’t make decisions for them. Okay, ending rant here. It just really saddens me what we’ve weathered the last 10 years and I have watched other widows experience.
12. Think Practically. Do you usually ask the man in your life to pick up the next case of water at Giant, because it’s heavy to lift (yes, I know women are capable). Umm, the cardiac patient shouldn’t be lifting it and neither should her mother, so offer to help with those kinds of things. Both my mother and my doctors would appreciate it.
13. Laugh with us. Cry with us. Pray with us. In the end, just don’t leave us. You each have your own gifts and ways you bring light and joy to the world, you know that little thing you do that makes you feel good when you do it. Do that.
14. Check in. No one wants to be the one that always has something going on or to feel like a burden. Take a little bit of the emotional and spiritual burden off of us to say: Hey, what can I pray for you today for or tell me one good thing that happened this week. Bring us out of our little world and in to yours.
15. Stick with us, through the good, the bad and everything in between. You will wipe away a few tears, you will laugh a few laughs and you will do more to carry the burden for people than you would ever know. We’d be happy to do the same for you.

Y’all the reality is this pandemic business is hard for all of us in different ways. Being on lockdown has given me the opportunity to be more attune to what others are going through.  I’ve watched friends experience battles with mental illness for the first time as depression and anxiety set in. I’ve watched people I love and care about experience financial strain due to unemployment. I’ve watched parents experience fatigue like never before as they were teacher, parent, wife and then rolled into summer. I see the concern as the school year peaks around the corner and many are forced to make unimaginable decisions. I see you. Who do you see and who can you love this week?

BLOG NEWS: I am working on a revamp/update so you may see a few new things around here in the weeks ahead. My goal is to write twice per week going forward. One post with an update (life, health, what we are cooking, reading, watching, etc) and then one where I just share a part of my story, a part of whats on my heart that week and I hope you will follow along. It will at times be honest and raw and other times I hope you will laugh. Like check out in next weeks post why my therapist called me a hot piece on Monday.  I will also start adding a Prayer/Praise at the end of each post, with one thing we are giving praise for and a specific prayer intention that we are asking prayers for.

This weeks Praise: The vomiting has stopped after adding Ranexa about 10 days ago and thankfully, my heart rhythm is behaving on this new medication.

Prayer: I have a followup appointment with Cardiology next Friday with the cardiologist I hung up on the last time. I would just ask that you would pray for that appt/conversation. We are also still trying to discern next steps in my care and case, so I would appreciate prayers for our wisdom.