…and beyond the numbness. Lent is upon us and here goes 40 days. Don’t count the days, make the days count.

We are going to start strength training this week at Cardiac rehab and I was explaining to my coworker today, that I am a little anxious to see how things go. Because well part of me is still numb from my surgery.

Yes, there was a side effect of the surgery no one told me about. To the left of my incision and the back of my left leg are numb. I have no feeling in them. It is because to create my grafts, the doctors took a vein from my leg to create two grafts and the mammory artery from my left chest, to create one of the grafts. When I asked my cardiologist about it, he told me ‘some people get the feeling back and some don’t. Mmmm. Gee thanks bud.

Anyways, I am anxious to see how strength training goes. Will I feel the muscle being strengthened? Will I be sore? Will I know when I have stretched far enough? But its time to move beyond the numbness.

Not just the numbness in my leg and chest, but the numbness in my heart. During cardiac rehab, I usually think about things that are going on in my life, or weighing on my heart and at the end of rehab, I leave it there. Its not just about the numbness in my body, but also reaching out to the places in my heart that were numb…

…the disappointments in doctors. The “you are a complex case saga”

….The disappointment in friends and family, who moved on with their lives (as they should have) as we navigated the past 19 months.

..the loss of friendships, as we slowly drifted a part, simply because I was either in the hospital or not well enough to stay in touch.

….the loss of control of my life day to day. Never knowing what the day may hold or what ER I would end up in.

…the struggle to want to pray, pray at all, trust God.

I survived the numbness in my heart. Only by God’s grace. I will never forget the homily of a priest friend of mine for Christ the King Sunday a few years back, where he concluded with “is there any part of your heart that Jesus is not Christ the King?”. I have thought a lot about that question as we rolled up to lent. He wasn’t Christ the King to all the places of numbness within my heart.

We all have places of our heart that are numb and in need of Christ. What if we cleaned it out and let Christ reign as Christ the King in our heart this lent? I know I will be striving to let Christ into the numb areas of my heart this lent. What about you?