Hello Friends and family,

We have had quite the eventful couple of weeks since I last wrote. Last time I wrote, I had started strength training at cardiac rehab and all was going well and I was pain free for two months.

…And then the past two weeks happened. It started late Monday night, that annoying chest pain feeling came crawling back and more intense than previous “episodes”. I was also having some difficulty breathing, so we called EMS and they took us to our local hospital. That hospital ran troponins (a rise in troponin indicates a heart attack, and is taken 3 times every 6 hours), gave me morphine every couple hours and sent me on my way, saying “you didnt have a heart attack, but call your cardiologist).

I called my local cardiologist as my Hopkins cardiologist was at a conference and out of town. My local cardiologist decided that we should stay the course medication wise and maybe that was a one time event. Except it happened the next night and Mom and I were on our way to the hospital that my cardiologist practices at to get. They kept me for two days, ran some more tests and sent me on my way.

We got in the car, ran home to shower and grab a bag and headed up to Hopkins, calling my cardiologist’s office up there, so they were aware.

We went via the ER to Hopkins and were admitted within a couple of hours. Given my history, I am considered a “high risk” patient so they ran a few more tests and I was admitted to the cardiac care unit. They ran multiple tests, considered taking me back to the Cath Lab, but decided it was not worth the risk, and worked on my medication dosages. They basically titrated my doses down and then reintroduced them one at a time and titrated doses back up, all the while watching my blood pressure, heart rate and I was on continuous cardiac monitoring.

We maxed out medication treatment to their maximum doses so there is nothing left to do on that regard. They want me to try something called External Counterpulsation Therapy, which is an alternative treatment for angina, when all other treatment has failed. If this does not provide relief, then we will possibly be walking down the heart transplant road. Its a lot to process.

I still have periods of chest pain and am diagnosed with microvascular disease and refractory angina and its debilitating. The doctors cannot explain why I responded so well for two months to medication and then all the sudden had severe episodes. I’m learning what my limits are physically and mentally and am learning to accept that we have done all we can to manage symptoms and that this may be the quality of life that I have.

Please pray for me, my doctors and my health. I really appreciate it!

and I survived. Today was my first day of strength training and it actually wasn’t bad. The exercise physiologist was with me the whole time and showing me how to correctly do the workout. We did 10 reps (1 set) and will build up in weight and reps/sets over the next few weeks. Today we did legs and arms and one chest exercise and will add in more next Monday upon my return to cardiac rehab.

In other news, I have to say I love the care I receive through Johns Hopkins. I emailed my cardiologist up there to say I was having a hard time finding an endocrinologist that was good and felt comfortable with my case, given my cardiac risk factors. Diabetes is a huge risk factor for having a coronary event, especially in those who have known cardiovascular disease. A nurse explained it that heart disease causes built up of plaque in the vessels and diabetes thickens your blood, so having thickened blood move through a narrowing vessel =not good.

Within two days of emailing my cardiologist, he reached out to a colleague of his to discuss my case and see if he would be willing to take me on. Just two days after his email to the Doctor, I had an appointment scheduled and will be heading up to Hopkins for endocrinology at the end of this month. This is the level of care that I have always received at Hopkins and I am grateful for it.

My cardiologist also ordered one more set of blood work, just to make sure my kidney function is still good after the heart failure, just to be safe. So alas, I will be poked and prodded again this week on my day off.

My care includes a lot of specialists (11 to be exact) and a lot of coordinating with various doctors. It can be tiring at time and I spend a lot of time following up with offices for test results, making sure things were sent to another office, etc. It can be draining at times, but I look at the team of doctors on my ‘complex case’ and remember how long it took to find the right doctors and the right team and I am grateful for each one of them.

But don’t worry, I got this. I can handle all these doctors and all the details of my case. I just like to remind them I am a person and my case is complex. I am not the complex case. Learning that myself, took a lot of hard work and prayer. Thanks be to God for his grace.

…and beyond the numbness. Lent is upon us and here goes 40 days. Don’t count the days, make the days count.

We are going to start strength training this week at Cardiac rehab and I was explaining to my coworker today, that I am a little anxious to see how things go. Because well part of me is still numb from my surgery.

Yes, there was a side effect of the surgery no one told me about. To the left of my incision and the back of my left leg are numb. I have no feeling in them. It is because to create my grafts, the doctors took a vein from my leg to create two grafts and the mammory artery from my left chest, to create one of the grafts. When I asked my cardiologist about it, he told me ‘some people get the feeling back and some don’t. Mmmm. Gee thanks bud.

Anyways, I am anxious to see how strength training goes. Will I feel the muscle being strengthened? Will I be sore? Will I know when I have stretched far enough? But its time to move beyond the numbness.

Not just the numbness in my leg and chest, but the numbness in my heart. During cardiac rehab, I usually think about things that are going on in my life, or weighing on my heart and at the end of rehab, I leave it there. Its not just about the numbness in my body, but also reaching out to the places in my heart that were numb…

…the disappointments in doctors. The “you are a complex case saga”

….The disappointment in friends and family, who moved on with their lives (as they should have) as we navigated the past 19 months.

..the loss of friendships, as we slowly drifted a part, simply because I was either in the hospital or not well enough to stay in touch.

….the loss of control of my life day to day. Never knowing what the day may hold or what ER I would end up in.

…the struggle to want to pray, pray at all, trust God.

I survived the numbness in my heart. Only by God’s grace. I will never forget the homily of a priest friend of mine for Christ the King Sunday a few years back, where he concluded with “is there any part of your heart that Jesus is not Christ the King?”. I have thought a lot about that question as we rolled up to lent. He wasn’t Christ the King to all the places of numbness within my heart.

We all have places of our heart that are numb and in need of Christ. What if we cleaned it out and let Christ reign as Christ the King in our heart this lent? I know I will be striving to let Christ into the numb areas of my heart this lent. What about you?