To the newly diagnosed heart patient,

I see you there on the other side of the screen, googling heart disease and webmd’ing yourself like its your job.

1. keep reading
2. stop using WebMd, you will pretty much convince yourself you are dying if you read that, talk to your realMd.

First things first, you got this. Yes, you are going to have moments that scare you, like when they roll you into the Cath Lab for the first time and about 8 people you dont know start surrounding you to do their respective jobs, while all you are doing is looking for the familiar face, your doctor. But, you got this. Fear is not of God. Acknowledge it, know that it is real and then remember that you are in the hands of trained professionals and in the hands of God. If you arent sure of your doc’s credentials, And just ask for their credentials, like I did.

Find your safe place/people. Your recovery is going to suck at times. Really. If its post Heart Cath, its probably going to be your groin that hurts from them shoving a catheter into it. If its from open heart surgery, its because you just had your chest sawed in half. I’m not sugar coating it because I had one doctor who was completely honest and the rest said “it wont be that bad”. And Im grateful for that one doctor who said, “this is going to suck and you are not going to like me for a few months but it will get better”. Its hard on your body physically, you lose the energy you once had, because its devoted to your healing. But find your people. The ones who you can laugh, cry, be honest with, ask to brush your hair and even help you shower. Find those people, because they will be your saving grace. Don’t be worried about who isn’t your people, worry about who is.

Be okay with not being okay. You have a disease, a very serious one that is life threatening if not treated properly. If you are young, you will feel like an island at times, because while your people are experiencing it with you they aren’t experiencing it for you. Get help if you need help processing your disease/illness. I wish I had known that at my weakest moments, I am far stronger than I ever thought was humanly possibly. Pray for God’s grace for you to accept the need for help and for wisdom to know the right person. If I could tell myself one thing from over the past 17 months, it would be to get help earlier and when I went to counseling those first few months after my heart attack and surgery, to be real; to be authentic; to be broken. Don’t say what you think people want you to feel, say what you are feeling. A whole army of people is behind you, and if not, know you have at least one person here rooting for you. Me.

Find solace in your pain. If one more person told me to offer it up, I was going to smack someone. You try living with pain that no one can figure out for 15 months, that was so bad you went to the ER, praying for relief and hoping for answers, and then come talk to me. A dear friend I know is suffering with chronic pain. He’s a simple man and a joy-filled follower of Christ and he recently said that he find’s solace in his pain, because he know it can be redemptive. Yes it wears on him, and he too hopes for relief, but he finds comfort in his pain, knowing that he is union with our Lord.

Maybe you aren’t living with a disease, but I bet you each know someone who is struggling with a new diagnosis or a long standing illness. I hope this blog post brings you understanding if you are a caretaker and comfort if you are the patient. Its honest and its real, because its my journey with heart disease.

My counselor recently encouraged me to share more of my journey, because she thinks it could help someone. If my suffering helps one person, then Thanks be to God. Just think God thought this world needed a You. He created you for a unique purpose and plan and together we share in that. You are worthy of his love. He loves you, even in the moments you can’t see him.

We have this quote on our wall at home, “when you can’t see God’s hand, trust his heart”. Remember that.