This morning, I was sitting on Facebook and so I took a few minutes to roll through my page, to look back on how far I have come.

This Monday,  I have an appt at my cardiologists office to do an ultrasound of my carotid arteries. They want to check for flow and function. They will decide if they need to do a complete ultrasound again of my heart after this one.

On Tuesday, I am headed to Georgetown to meet with a rheumatologist to check for an autoimmune disorder that may be underlining, given the inflammation in my bladder, inflammation in my stomach lining, the fact that I got pericarditis twice in a short time period. There appears to be chronic inflammation in my body and now the doctors want to know why.

Then on Thursday, I will see my psychiatrist for a tune up/check up. Its usually a symptom check and medication refill time.

Its sometimes overwhelming having 9 different specialists who all want appointments and the weeks where I have a few appointments, it often brings back memories of everything that has happened. But I Feel different going into this week. I look back on these past few months scribbled into Facebook posts, and I see how far the Lord has carried me.

I have renewed strength, not because of my own merit, but because I am trying (key word: trying) to remain grounded in how far the Lord has brought me. Its not easy and I am always quick to point out to Him the work and healing He could be doing. But in looking back, it helps you to look forward. But just like in this season of advent we wait with joyful anticipation, I look forward to being healthy again. My counselor reminded me this week that I have tendency to replay the past (PTSD) but also focus so much on the future that I forget the present moment. What if I miss the presence of God in my life today, because I am too worried about tomorrow?