Cardiologists are like crazy uncles

July 25, 2016 / Kristin G / Leave a comment

…no matter how hard you try, you can’t shake ’em.

My poor cardiologist has had quite the year with my case. Bet he wishes he wasn’t the hospital doctor when I rolled in for that first stress test. But alas he was and so I can’t shake ’em. His prescribed med list and contact info goes wherever I go. God bless the man. He’s probably lost count of how many calls he’s gotten about my case from other physicians.

But I wouldn’t want any other cardiologist looking over my heart and here’s why. About 6 months after surgery and about that many hospital stays, the sarcastic smarty pants he first knew began to lose her smile. And he was the first to point it out. Undue emotional stress and cardiology have a link, even more so those with PTSD have a greater chance of cardiac events. And of those who have heart attacks about 70% experience depression. He encouraged me to go see a mental health team.

I waited and pushed it off….If we could just figure out the chronic pain I’d be okay….if I lost more weight I’d be okay. If I prayed more I’d be okay. I was even told so by some well meaning priests.

But as time went on I knew I needed help. Counseling, meds and love of family and friends was what was needed. It takes courage to ask for that kind of help. And I’m so grateful I did. In the words of CS Lewis “courage, dear heart”.

I found a Christian therapist who will integrate faith with our sessions. I’ll see my psychiatrist every couple months and I’ll check in with my support system on a regular basis.

There is such a stigma with mental health, especially within the Catholic Church. Where’s the line between despair and depression? Words like “you aren’t praying enough” or “just have hope” get thrown around. If it was that easy, I would. Oh and my personal favorite “you look fine”. Uh, thanks?

Yes, I battle depression, anxiety and PTSD as a child of God. I invite him into it to heal my heart from the inside out and I beg for his help to carry this cross at times. My mental illness isn’t my identity, being his beloved daughter is.

If you are struggling seek help and know I am praying for you, especially those who are battling a mental illness.

So yes, my cardiologist is like a crazy uncle. But I’ll let my familial uncles try to figure out which ones the crazy one 😉

A year later…

July 24, 2016 / Kristin G / Leave a comment

To many Saturday was just any other Saturday. But for me it was my heart-a-versary. One year since my surgery.

I was more anxious the week before than on the actual day. And as I sat before mass on Saturday evening, I allowed myself to go back to that day, waking up with the chest tubes and breathing tube. I found myself unconciously running my hand over my scar. For the first time in a while I saw it as a thing of beauty. The “I’m alive and grateful to be” scar. I found myself praying for my care team and looking back on the past year, the good, the bad, the funny, the ugly.

The good: that I have one of the best care teams out there….

A cardiologist who continues to do research for my case and answers every phone call from every other speciality that wants to run things by him with my best interests at heart.

A pulmonolgist who has to be the nicest doctor in my life. He’s advocated for me, sent me to better hospitals to run better tests, sat with me and answered all my questions with patience. When wrongs were made by other doctors, he made sure wrongs were righted.

A GP who isn’t afraid of my case and is willing to work with me as a whole person, taking in every speciality’s notes and reports and coordinating my care and running all the right tests.

The ugly:

The ugly definitely has to be the repeat hospitalizations and the chronic pain. No need to rehash previous posts but learning to manage pain has been one of the biggest struggles of my life.

The funny

Declaring to every doctor and nurse that we were “not friends” after my surgery.
Asking my cardiologist his credentials before my very first Cath. #hewenttoYale
After months of various tests, turns out I have a stomach bacteria called H.Pylori that my GP decided to check for because I kept saying I was nauseous. Everyone thought it was because of all my meds… #wecallitHenry
Hugging my heart pillow trying not to laugh at my goofball aunt and mother in the days after surgery. #oneofthemwettheirpants
Watching doctors reactions after hearing my case history. They need to work on their poker faces and not say “best of luck to your cardiologist.”
Moments like this and texting them to your best friend.

To everyone who walked this past year with us. Thank you. I am truly grateful for everyone’s love and support. My cardiologist told me I could milk this for a year and alas that year is over. Thank the Lord. Literally.

My doctors warn me that the rest of my life will be filled with more testing and more cardiac procedures. And while I wish that wasn’t the case, this is the life God has asked me to live. To bear witness to him. I can’t do it without him.

But I know he’s given me many Simons of Cyrene to help carry the cross of invisible diseases. May the Lord bless each doctor, nurse, tech that have seen. And may God bless each of you. I am in awe that God willed it so that each of you was a part of the past year, as meal providers, cheerleaders, hospital room companions, prayer warriors. Couldn’t have done it without all of you!

What’s shakin, bacon?

July 8, 2016 / Kristin G / Leave a comment

I can’t believe it’s been so long since my last update. Life has a way of doing that to you.

I would say we are in the “pain management” stage of life right now, on multiple fronts. The doctors are using some new meds to manage my PTSD and it also works to manage the chronic pain and it appears to be working. It’s building up in my system, so until it’s resolved, they do not want me working full time. The plan is to go back in a week or so. Praise God for my awesome coworkers who are helping cover for me and for a fantastic Pastor who cares more about me as a person, than the bottom line. He has been very supportive and understanding and I am most grateful. Today, I had the last of the scheduled cardiac/pulmonary tests and for the first time EVER with one of these tests, I didn’t end up being sent down to the ER or admitted for further observation! Praise God! I think the quote of the day was, “I’m so happy, I’m doing a jig over here.” -Mom
My Pulmonologist will get the results in about a week and a half. So we sit and wait. Or rather just keep moving with life until we hear back.

Overall, things have been steadily improving over the couple weeks and it’s good to be going in the right direction. I’ve been blessed abundantly over the past few weeks so I want to remember these:

1. Regular skype time with a dear friend. Highlight of my day.

2. The love and support of my mother and my “inner circle”

3. My boss and coworkers continually supporting and wanting what is best for me and working extra hard to cover and serve the parishioners we so love.

4. Better pain management.

5. My medical team of doctors. I have an awesome team and while they drive me nuts at times, they work so diligently with me on my case. #masscardsforallaround