I was asked this week by someone how are you handling your recovery? I smiled and said good when in reality, I’m still processing everything and working with all my doctors to still figure things out like medications, diagnosis, etc. I was talking with my counselor recently about my PTSD/anxiety and I explained how frustrated I am that I keep feeling like the wheels are stuck moving forward emotionally, and she put it so sweetly, “everytime you try to move forward, you have another scare or hospital stay, lets work on this one step at a time.”

So how am I handling my recovery? one step at at time. physically. emotionally. spiritually.

We had a little scare last week in regards to my heart. I was at work and did not feel right. My coworkers were busy with various things/around the church somewhere, so I called 911 on myself. My coworkers quickly came to my aid once they realized what was going on.

The EMTs got me wheeled out of the parish office and into the ambulance. Before we had even left the church parking lot, they had started an IV, given me nitro and run an EKG. I knew something was up when the lead EMT, said ‘borderline in lead…’ and they were transmitting the EKG to the hospital and calling ahead. Then he said to the other EMT, “they are activating the heart team”.

When we arrived they yelled, “is this the 27 year old STEMI? Room 7, the crash cart is there”. I wanted to scream at the nice nurse, “what other 27 year old female to have being rushed in here with a heart monitor on?” But I kept my mouth shut. The nice EMT said its going to happen fast so get ready”, ‘um, excuse me, what is happening fast?”. In walks two doctors, 3 nurses and some techs. The doctors introduce themselves, start asking my history, checking my medication list, and saying ‘prep her for the Cath Lab.’ They see a change in my EKG from the last time I was there that indicates to them what could be a ‘borderline STEMI’. Do I consent? Yes, go, if you are saying I am having another heart attack by all means, lets go.

Heart Cath #5  in less than a year.Being that we were at a different hospital than usual and me being me, I ask the nice nurse as they are wheeling me, if this doctor is a real cardiologist and has he done this before? Not realizing the doctor was right behind us. (I also asked my cardiologist his credentials the first time he did one of my CATHs, so apparently its just what I do). Good news. He was a real cardiologist.

In less then 15 minutes, we were in the Cath Lab and starting. Once he is done, the doctor informed me that there were no blockages and it could have been a vasospasm (spasm of one of my coronary arteries). They send me home a few hours later and tell me to follow up with my cardiologist in a week.

Did I have another heart attack? No. Could it happen? Yes.

 

We are drawing very close to the anniversary of my heart attack  and so all those memories came rushing back, the feeling of fear, loss of control, having to surrender myself into God’s hands and pray a quick examination of conscience and Act of Contrition on the Cath Lab table before they push the medications to put me in La-La Land.

Its scary. Its real and its my life.

I will for always and forever me a cardiac patient and my life will be filled with many more tests. Is it exhausting? Yes. Is it scary? Yes. Is it painful? Yes. But don’t you worry, silly little heart, I am not going down without a fight. You may throw some good punches somedays but, I’m a heart warrior, thank you very much.

So please keep the prayers going, my doctors are still watching me verrrrrrry closely and working diligently to get to the bottom of all of this. We need your prayers!