Happy heart month everyone! 

The funny thing is that a year ago I wouldn’t have paid much attention to heart month at all. But then my life changed. I changed..

I had a silent heart attack, meaning I didn’t feel it. I probably slept through it. I learned in one day a lot about God’s providential care. Had I not have been in the cardiologists office that afternoon, I would have been going out a different entrance of the hospital than the front door. God is soooo good..my MI changed my priorities and it changed my relationship with God.  

The MI had its impact but the time postsurgery for triple vessel disease probably changed me even more. I learned not to sweat the small stuff and the big stuff earned its proper place back in my life.. 

I shrug my shoulders at stuff that doesn’t matter because I cant afford to carry it. Literally. My doctor has told me that stress is a huge factor in my heart health and it has to be kept to a minimum. It’s his doctor’s orders. That took some practice to be able to follow. 

As anyone fighting a disease will come to learn, the people that love you will painfully watch you suffer, physically, emotionally, spiritually. It will pain them almost as much as it pains you. It’s true of any disease, not just heart disease. 

I can’t fully explain how heart disease has changed me but I can say I’m stronger for having gone through it. Has it caused some scars in all aspects of my life? Yes. Some are visible and some aren’t. But they say heart patients become like warriors. Not just patients or survivors, but warriors; a brave and experienced fighter. 

We fight physical battles. Like the decision daily to eat healthy, take all our meds on time and deal with side effects, get our blood levels checked way too often and even fight fatigue from things we once did with ease. We fight palpitations, blood pressure issues, high cholesterol. We fight them all. 

We fight emotional battles. We battle anxiety, fear, jealousy, self pity, guilt, shame. Word for the wise: Any heart patient who tells you they don’t have some level of anxiety is lying. Help them through it. 
We fight spiritual battles not to fall into despair, anger or even jealousy of other people’s ability to live. We don’t always fight well, but we try to fight with great amounts of bravery or courage. We don’t have a choice. 

Take for instance this story: My cardiologist told me the other day to stop blaming myself for things that aren’t my fault… I do what I am supposed to, I take my meds, I’m watching my diet (most of the time), I’m keeping stress down and I’m staying active. All the things he prescribed.

Having seen this poor doc every 2-3 weeks for the last 8 months, he has gotten to know me well..We have this joke that I sometimes/always/never tell him everything of how I am feeling (one should mention palpatations, chest pain and the like to your heart doctor..but don’t worry, I’ve mended my ways). 

He kept asking me was it because I didn’t want to look like I was whining. Nope, that wasn’t it. And then at this appointment, I finally just blurted it out…I felt guilty that I didn’t take good care of my heart before my MI and then surgery. I felt guilty that my body didn’t respond as we had hoped for with aggressive medical treatment and we continue to battle issues. But as my doc told me, “stop apologizing for things that aren’t your fault; you have crappy genes”. Only he gets to use the word crappy when talking about my genes. 

We all do it to some extent. We blame ourselves for things outside our control. We all have hurts in our lives, some more than others. Some are our own doing, but most aren’t.

 I firmly believe that it’s a temptation from the evil one to trap is in those hurts; To remove love from our hearts. He doesn’t want us to live in Christ and to have life to the fullest. 

But I have news for him, I choose Christ. I finally figured out that’s how I’ve changed. I’m choosing to fight this battle with Christ. Satan tries to trip me up, but for the first time in a long time I choose hope in Gods plan, instead of despair. I choose to work to forgive hurts, instead of holding on to anger. I choose to be grateful each morning and whisper at my first waking breath, thank you Jesus for another day. I choose courage in the face of more challenges. I choose to trust in Jesus. Yes, I choose to seek another victory of the heart, by fighting this battle as a heart warrior. I don’t do it well always, but I’m doing it. I’m being courageous.. I just beg our Lord to continue to grant me the grace to do so. 

The battle hasn’t been easy these past 8 months and at times I really stumbled. And it only got harder as the days went on while I tried to do it without Jesus. He lifted so many of my burdens when I finally surrendered it all to him. 

What battle are you fighting that would be a little easier if you chose to fight it with Christ? Begin today, it will change you. 

And it will be a huge victory of the heart.