“You know this is a privileged time, don’t you?”, he said. I looked him straight in the eye, trying to wrap my head around what he said.He continued on…”this is a privileged time to seek God”.

…I smiled and agreed.…If he wasn’t a priest, I would have probably thrown the heart shaped pillow I was hugging, trying to keep my sternum safe, right at him.

…It didn’t feel privileged as I sat there in pain, hugging a pillow and praying for relief.

….it didn’t feel privileged when I couldn’t even put up my hair, get dressed or even get out of a chair, without help.

…It didn’t feel privileged to have a Heart Attack or triple bypass at 27.

…It didn’t feel privileged as I dealt with lingering emotional and physical pain as the reality of what the new normal in my life would look like.

It didn’t feel privileged at all. But in reality, it is one of the most privileged times of my life. I have learned a lot..

I have learned that life is precious and each day is a gift. 

I have learned that being strong doesn’t mean not asking for help, it means being courageous enough to ask for help when you need it. 

I have learned that its okay to be scared, sad, fearful, ashamed, because that is what your heart is feeling. No one is walking this journey FOR you, they are walking it WITH you. You have to allow yourself to feel, so that you can allow the Divine Physician to heal you. Oh…and to keep stress off your heart. 

I have learned that some days are better than others. Sometimes the emotional wounds are bigger and other days the physical ones. Thats with anyone in life, sometimes our wounds just hurt a little deeper…no like really, they physically hurt, its called angina.

I have learned that I am not what happened to me, but that it did happen to me. I am a beloved child of God. Will I always be a heart patient the rest of my life? Yes. But it doesn’t make me who I am today.

So, I guess I will give Father credit that this is indeed a privileged time. A privileged time to seek the Lord. To rest in his presence. It is so easy to settle into frustration, despair and anger as life throws you a curve ball, but the victory of the heart comes when you choose HOPE. That little part within us that says, I can do this another day.